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A Letter from Your Fat Friend

Body Image, Fat Shaming—It Affects Us All

By Emily TarffPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Dear friend,

First of all, I want you to know that I love you and that this is not me having a go at you. I need to tell you that you fat shame. You fat shame yourself and you fat shame others particularly me, your friend .

I am aware that you may not mean to do this or you may not even be aware that you are doing it, but as your friend, I need to tell you that you are and that it’s not ok.

Also I am aware we live in a society today that is obsessed with body image. We are bombarded by a culture of perfectionism and superficial vanity. It has become an issue of health as well as a social issue. Many of us are plagued with body dysmorphia or eating disorders in a struggle to achieve “the perfect body.” The media constantly portrays images of what our bodies should look like, which is a very narrow and specific look of either extreme thinness or the physique of a professional athlete.

These images are not inclusive of all different types of bodies and this is very damaging to our own sense of self-worth and body confidence. By forcing us to develop an unhealthy body image from a young age the beauty industry perpetuates its own revenue by constantly telling people they aren’t attractive enough. This multi-billion pound industry is constantly telling people that they need to lose weight or have better skin hair teeth etc and present products that claim to help us achieve this idea of “perfection.”

I’m sure you are not the only person in the world who has looked at themselves in a mirror and thought “do I look fat” or said while eating something unhealthy “I’m having a fat day.” I’ve heard many of my “thin” friends call themselves fat on many occasions, you being one of them. It seems to be acceptable for them to call themselves fat but not for me to do the same, even though I am fat. They would then become very sympathetic saying “no you’re beautiful” or “you’re not fat you're curvy” when I know that I am just fat. And I’m ok with that. Describing myself as fat is not body shaming because I know that is what I am. I do not differentiate if it is a good thing or not I just state fact. I have a large amount of body fat.

Being the fat friend in the group has never really bothered me in terms of affecting my friendships, until recently. You see I have been told by my doctors I am severely obese and I need to make life style changes or I could be facing a number of health problems in the not so distant future. This is something I’m working on for my health, not for vanity. I am a true believer that once your weight becomes a risk to your health, you should do something about it, otherwise you are accepting that you could be looking at a much shorter life. I only aim to manage my weight to preserve my health not for vanity or the pursuit of a “perfect body.”

It really does upset me when people fat shame themselves when they are clearly a healthy weight. Hearing my thin friends call themselves fat makes me suddenly become insecure about myself . If they think they are fat at a size 10, what do they really think of me at a size 22?

Also they say it in a way that being fat is the worst thing in the world. That being fat is disgusting and grotesque and somehow makes you a bad person. Well it doesn’t. I hear my friend talking about new fad diets they are trying to lose weight or some kind of new exercise craze they have started to shed those extra pounds that they don’t even need to loose.

I am all for supporting people who choose to live a healthy active life style. I am not an advocate for glamorising being morbidly obese. I am not saying that one body type is more attractive than another. I am also not saying that fat shaming is worse than thin shaming as I know this happens too but have never been the victim to this kind of body shaming. I am an advocate for self-love and body confidence. I believe that the media should be more inclusive of people of all shapes and sizes. I believe that there is no such thing as a “perfect body.” I know that this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed socially.

We can start by looking at our own perceptions of our bodies and stop any kind of unhealthy language or behaviour. We can all start healthy habits when it comes to eating and exercise but without putting excessive amounts of pressure on ourselves to achieve an ultimate goal. There should be no punishing ourselves if we decided to eat something not very healthy. Eat what you like, be happy, enjoy life. Our value and self-worth is not measured by a number on the scales or a dress size. I know this will be difficult, as we live in a society that allows the media to brainwash us with messages that we are not good enough. The whole system is driven my capitalism as a business of feeding off peoples insecurities in order to make money.

To you, my fat shaming thin friends, I say you are beautiful and you are healthy and I love you. You do not need to fall victim to the media pressure and unrealistic body images that are forced upon us today. You should be happy in your own skin. You should also be aware of the language you use so not to fat shame yourself or other people. You should set an example to everyone around you that being happy and healthy is the ultimate goal not perfection.

Remember that my friend.

With love,

From your fat friend.

Xxx

body
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About the Creator

Emily Tarff

Activist , lawyer , feminsit , LGBTQA+ , Pro choice ,Self love ,Body positive

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