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6 Things Women in Relationships Should Know About Money

Make it, spend it, share it, talk about it.

By Samantha BentleyPublished 6 years ago 8 min read
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I am a firm believer in being an independent woman. In a relationship or not, it is so important to be able to stand on your own two feet. I’ve gone through a series of horrible relationships, been single as fuck and married to my work, and I am now in a very comfortable and committed long term relationship (that I hope will be marked for forever).

I don’t pretend to be a relationship expert, but I have learnt a lot from my past and present experiences. Going through all these ups and downs, I have compiled a list of things that women in relationships should know about money...

It is better to have your own.

Yes, having a dude with a lot of cash sounds great, but why would you want to rely on someone for everything? It’s like being a kid again and waiting for your parents to give you pocket money. Why would you want someone to keep track of everything you spend? I have never understood this about women. We all want equality, the right to equal pay, the right to vote, the right to be treated on a level with men, yet some of us would prefer a man pay for everything for us. Honey, this ain’t the 1900s. Get off your ass and make that money. Unless you are heavily pregnant or have a young infant that is still entirely reliant on you or you suffer from an illness or disability that prevents you from working, there is no reason you can’t be out there working. To me, there is not much more unattractive than a woman with no drive or ambition. Even if you aren’t working, show some passion and drive. If there is something you want, go study it. Try to make something of yourself. I cannot tell you how much better it feels to spend your own money that you’ve made.

On a slightly more morbid note, you can’t predict the future. You don’t know what could happen tomorrow, next week, next year. What if you guys break up? Goodbye house and all your bills being paid! What if he is in an accident and can’t work, how will you survive? There are so many instances when having your own money is an absolute must. Trust me, guys love it. When I first met my boyfriend, he couldn’t believe I wanted to split the bill when we went for dinner. He was absolutely amazed I was in the process of buying my first house all by myself. I had my shit together, I made my own money and I was proud of it. He had never been with a woman like that before, and that’s a bit of a let down from my gender, to be honest.

BUT…letting him pay for things doesn’t take away your independence.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love being independent and paying my own way, but if theres one thing I’ve had to train myself not to do, it’s be stubborn and proud when it comes to money. Being in a relationship IS a partnership; it should be a two way street. By all means, be that fiery woman that carries her own cash, but don’t be too proud to accept help if you need it. If you are struggling one month and he offers to help out, accept it. He might need your help in the future, or just pay him back when you have the cash! Or buy him a gift. I used to be way too stubborn to accept help, I wasn’t even used to guys offering to pay for dinner! My boyfriend is a total gentleman and I am so lucky to have him. Some guys are not. Remember that it is give and take out here. If you get dinner one date night, he should get it next…being equal doesn’t mean you can’t let your boo get you dinner or presents every now and then. Girl, you worth it.

Save for emergencies.

Every month I put a little bit of money into an ISA and a little bit of money into an everyday savings account. My ISA is my savings, my everyday is my emergency fund. This is money I use for my tax bill, unexpected vet trips, times I am too sick to work (being self employed means no work no sick pay. Like right now I have stomach flu and, believe me, I want to sleep, but those bills ain’t paying themselves, honey, so type, type, type). You never know when you might need that extra bit of cash. I have also encouraged my boyfriend to do the same. Ultimately, when you become committed and start living together, assume all the money you both make belongs to both of you. So if I save and he saves, it’s even more of a cushion if the going gets tough.

But also save for the big things…

Ya know, a deposit on a house, your wedding day, a new arrival. My ISA is my savings for this, although I pretty much cleaned them out when I bought my first house, but hey! At least I have assets, right? I look at life as a ladder; you want to keep climbing. Every year I want to be moving forward. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, and that’s why I save. When I was younger and I first started in porn, I flashed my cash swell as my gash. I paid for everyones drinks and dinners, I got taxis everywhere, I bought designer everything, I went on lavish holidays. I lived like a rockstar, then I realised I wanted a house. I started to save a little later than I should have. I would probably have a much bigger house if I hadn’t pissed a lot of money away. But that’s what kids do. Set up a standing order from your account to your savings every month. You’ll never even notice it go.

Don’t compare.

Never ever compare how much you and your other half are making. First of all, what's the point? Unless you work the exact same job, at the same level, in the same place, and one of you makes more than the other, then there are probably some words to be had. When I first met my boyfriend, I felt so in need of proving myself, proving I made enough money to support myself. When I stopped shooting, obviously my income was not as much as it had been and I found myself comparing to what my partner was making, who was a successful touring musician. I started feeling crappy about not being able to contribute as much as I had been to our lifestyle. He told me to stop being silly. I still did more than enough and I worked my ass off and was passionate and driven. To him, that was way more important then a ridiculous holiday, or way too much money spent on Christmas presents. There really is no point comparing incomes. Different jobs, different industries, different times in your life, different paths. No two people will be the same. Appreciate what you both bring to the table and don’t think anything more on it.

TALK about money.

This is probably the most important on the list. I read that something like 80 percent of people hide financial debt from their other half. Whether you are embarrassed, proud, or just terrified to tell them, this person is your life partner, the one that you love, your best friend. You should be able to tell them anything and everything. Talking about money is hard, way harder than it should be, but your other half should be the one person you shouldn't be scared to tell things, or ask! If you are in trouble, ask them for help, tell them what's wrong. If they borrowed some cash off you and haven't paid it back, ASK them. Chances are they just forgot! Money can end friendships and relationships in seconds.

I lost a friend when I was younger over £5. Yup, all because she borrowed it. At the time, that was my weekly pocket money, and she never paid me back. I was saving for something I really wanted and I kept asking her for the money back. For almost a year I asked. Every time, she had an excuse. I stopped wanting to see her because she made me so mad. In the end, I asked one last time for the money and she replied, "You're still going on about that? It was only £5." Yes, it was, but it was mine, and if it's such a small amount, why not pay it back? I never spoke to her again and that was 20 years ago, and I'm STILL pissed off about it now. Talking about money is so important, because the more you harbour it, the worse you will feel.

I hope these little tips will give all you loved up ladies something to think about for you and your Mr. Right's future!

relationships
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About the Creator

Samantha Bentley

Born and Bred Londoner, Mother to baby Roman and my two pooches, Plant Eater, Yoga and Aerial Teacher + Learner, Music Maker... was once in Game Of Thrones, was once a Penthouse Pet, used to win awards for getting naked.

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