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3 Simple Ways to Stop Hating Yourself

Sometimes life isn't all flowers and rainbows. But that doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up about it.

By Melissa RosePublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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An accurate representation of how I feel about myself most days.

Having struggled with depression for the majority of my life, hating myself is kind of engrained in my psyche. It feels like I've been doing it forever. I can remember all the parts of myself that I've hated at different points of my life: my eyebrows in grade 5 and 6, my boobs in grade 7, my general size in grade 8-9.

And that's before social media became the mega attention suck it is today. By the time Facebook blew up when I was in my senior year of high school, I was already accustomed to identifying all my flaws, griping about things I wanted to improve, and just generally being at odds with the person I was. Why not participate in an online community where other people could chime in on the fun?

However, my late twenties, although filled with their own trials and tribulations, have been somewhat of a revolution for me. As more and more actual problems have come up (like paying my mortgage while still being able to afford to feed myself), the less I care about hating on myself. And in a way, it's been freeing.

Sure, I've essentially shifted my focus from myself to other problems that are beyond my control, but at least I'm not picking myself apart to the extremes that I once was.

So, I thought I'd share my best tips for leaving yourself alone. They are:

1. Don't wear makeup

If you're like me, you've spent a huge portion of your life believing that there is no greater faux pas than stepping foot in public without a full glam face. I'm not talking about a little mascara and some lip gloss. I mean you'd happily be a half hour late to any event as long as your cheeks are contoured and your liquid eyeliner is flared to perfection.

But do you know what this does to you? It sets you up for failure. The more makeup you use, the more aspects of looking good you can mess up at. And the more opportunities there are to mess it up, the more you scrutinize to make sure they are all perfect.

Do you know how many times I've looked at myself in the mirror and thought "God, I'd look so much better if I just had that foundation/highlighter/brow pencil, etc."? TOO MANY TIMES.

Do you know how many times I have worn makeup and not been able to pick out something about it that I wished was better? NEVER.

So, if I find a problem with my face either way, what's the point?

I'm not saying you should never wear makeup. It's a creative and fun way to bring attention to the parts of your face you do like, and create new looks that appeal to you. BUT, what I am saying is free yourself from the idea that the makeup is a solution. It isn't.

The solution is learning to live with what you've got, whether it's dressed up or dressed down. Recently, I've been going grocery shopping without makeup. Just moisturizer, mascara, and a little under eye concealer. And you know what has happened? Absolutely nothing.

The world didn't fall apart. No one has called me a horrendous sight to behold. In fact, the only thing that's different is that I'm able to go places as soon as I decide I want to go there. Not such a bag thing after all!

2. Be comfortable

I've recently realized that it is WAY more difficult to be upset at yourself when you are comfy. Don't believe me? Picture being in a pair of tight dress pants that make your muffin top spill over when you sit down and that leave those chaffing marks on your skin, like you've been crammed into a sausage casing all day. How do you feel? Irritated? Ashamed? Frustrated?

Now, picture you're laying on your couch in your comfiest pair of sweats, with all the space and coziness you need.

It's a whole different experience! It's so much easier to be frustrated with yourself when you aren't comfortable. The solution? STOP doing the things that make you uncomfortable!

If you've been cramming yourself into a size 10 because you haven't wanted to face the fact that you are now a size 12... STOP IT. If you have been wearing high heels when you go out because all your girlfriends wear high heels... STOP IT. If you have been wearing feminine clothes because it's what society expects from you, but you're actually more comfortable in Timberland's and a snapback... STOP IT.

The more uncomfortable you are, the more susceptible you are to being in a pissy mood. And the more you're in a pissy mood, the less you're going to treat people with patience and acceptance - including yourself.

3. Give Yourself Free Passes

Recently, I've started asking myself one question: "How bad is this, on a scale from one to 10?"

If my problem with myself is a six or less, I give myself a free pass. For example, recently I was having a day where I felt like I was falling behind on everything. My house wasn't clean, I had extra work that I needed to do from home, my dog hadn't been walked, I hadn't cooked dinner for my wife in about three days, and I had let one of our bills fall through the cracks, so I was now behind on payment.

My immediate reaction? Remind myself of all the ways I am a horrible human being and why no one should love me because I am a waste of space and genetic DNA, of course.

But, instead of going right into my usual tailspin I asked myself the following questions:

  1. Am I deliberately hurting anyone? (The answer was no.)
  2. Am I unintentionally hurting anyone? (The answer was no, except maybe myself in the form of damaging my credit.)
  3. Am I ruining my health? (The answer was no.)
  4. Am I creating a problem that can never be fixed? (The answer was no.)
  5. Am I creating a problem that is extremely difficult to fix? (The answer was no.)
  6. Am I being mean, ill-intentioned, or disrespectful in any way? (The answer was no.)

So I concluded this was definitely a situation that was less than a six on the scale.

What does that mean? It meant I completely dropped the issue and gave myself a free pass! No point in stressing about it!

If we are so quick to give others in our lives free passes, why can't we extend that same pleasantry to ourselves?

In the end, I've been a much happier person just by doing these simple things. I don't expect myself to look "perfect" anymore, I don't sacrifice my own comfort, and I don't hold grudges against myself for things that aren't as serious as I'm making them out to be.

They're simple steps to read. Harder to implement. But I hope you give them a try.

beauty
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About the Creator

Melissa Rose

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