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I'm pretty confident I don't want kids. I have a hard enough time taking care of myself ... so I can't imagine trying to take care of another life on top of that. I might consider adoption or being a foster mom ... but here is the thing, I'm not afraid of child birth. I mean yes, it looks awful, but if I did decide to have a kid, that seems like a small price to pay to make life. The reason why I don't want kids is because it is a huge decision and a huge amount of responsibility that would forever change my life. The fact that I have a choice not to have a kid in the first place seems like a blessing. There are other ways for me to become a motherly figure and influence people's lives without actually having my own.
1. 'You will change your mind when you're older' or 'There is still time for you to change your mind.'
This is by far the most common thing I hear whenever the conversation comes up. I used to think these comments are okay, but they're not. We need to respect people's decisions on whether or not they want kids.
I knew I didn't want kids from a very young age—about 14, to be exact. Apparently any 14-year-old who says they don't want kids will grow out of it later. Says any parent of all my friends at the time and my boyfriend's mom.
2. 'Once you've found the right partner things will be different.'
This one was told to me by a pregnant woman, and at the time I thought maybe she was right. A year later, I found the perfect partner, and now we are thinking of just not having kids ... like ever.
So I guess there is no relation with "the right partner" and deciding to have kids?
3. 'Are you saying theres something wrong with my kids!?'
Whoa! Back up a couple of steps here! I didn't mean to offend you or your choice of having kids ... I'm also really confused on how I managed to do that? Just because I don't want kids doesn't mean all women should not want kids.
Also, your defensiveness is questionable ...
4. 'The clock is ticking, you're almost 30.'
I've actually got a few more years before I turn 30, also I know women who had kids when they were 35 and they turned out fine.
Also, kind of a rude thing to say ...
5. 'What if your parents decided they didn't want you?'
Well, then I wouldn't exist. More importantly, I wouldn't have to hear you talking right now. So that would be a bonus!
Just because I don't want kids doesn't by any means make me a bad person, so why suggest it?
6. 'You'll feel differently when you have your own kids.'
Probably, but we'll never know if I simply don't have them.
Also, what if they're wrong? What if I have a kid or even kids and then regret it later ... isn't that worse?
7. 'What are you going to do instead?'
Hopefully, I will be working on my career. Otherwise I will be cleaning, organizing, trying to better myself, and relaxing. I also plan on having a dog or two ... my first dog I got from a breeder but I will probably get the rest from a shelter. Preferably a dog that is already trained to go outside.
8. 'Won't you be lonely?'
Again, dog! I can always get a dog. They are great for companionship. Oh, and I have a boyfriend. He's perfect!
In fact, having a baby probably wouldn't make me feel less lonely, especially when they are still babies. They can't have adult conversations with you .. but they can cry and could easily give you headaches.
9. 'Who's going to take care of you when you get old'
I feel like having kids won't change my life by much when I get old. I'll still end up in a retirement home and my memory might be well enough to even remember if someone has visited me or not.
I know it's sad, but it's true.
10. 'Do you hate children? Were you abused as a child?'
I don't hate children, I actually babysit in my spare time. No I wasn't abused as child. More importantly, I really recommend not going around asking people if they were abused as a child. I just think it's a bit of a personal and sensitive question.
11. 'But, don't your parents want grandchildren?'
I'm pretty sure my parents just want me to have kids so they know what I put them through as a teenager .... and I don't want to know.
I also happen to have one sibling who will probably have kids, maybe even soon. So they will get grandkids.
12. 'You might regret it later.'
I might regret it later ... but that's a chance I'm willing to take. Also, if I get into 40s or 50s and wish I had kids ... then I can still adopt an older kid/teenager.
I know it's possible that I might hit menopause and be hit with a sudden amount of guilt, I've genuinely thought about .. but that is not a good enough reason to have a child of my own.
13.'Don't you have a maternal instinct?/I guess not all women have a very strong maternal instinct.'
Yes, I do have a maternal instinct. I have a very strong maternal instinct. I've had it since I was like 16 ... and I wasn't actually going to have a kid then. It got much stronger out of nowhere when I was about 23 and it was actually really annoying. Thats why I got a puppy. It actually helped a lot.
I still might want the responsibility of having kids (just adopted) ... which brings me to the next most annoying comment ...
14. 'Wow, you must have no responsibilities.'
Sure, I can leave the house almost whenever I want and go on spontaneous sleepovers with my boyfriend or crash at my girlfriend's house after drinking ... but I still have too many responsibilities ... trust me.
15. 'I used to say that too, now I have two kids.'
The lady who said this to me had since gotten a divorce and only raised one of these two children ... and that child turned out, well .. okay. Either way, I still think having kids will cause me a heartache. There's no way I can make their life perfect and I couldn't protect them forever ..
Here is a hilarious short video that helped reassure me that kids aren't for me.
Title of you-tube video: "Think you don't want kids? This video will change your mind." By Ryan Thomas.
The point I am trying to make about this is that there is a social stigma around people who decide not to have children. It's actually not just targeted towards women. Men who have decided not to have children get asked the same annoying questions and hear the same annoying comments too. Especially married men.
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