Once in a blue moon, people will see a philosophy that is so toxic, it's incompatible with having healthy relationships. It's rare, but it happens. Sadly, it also happens with increasing frequency now that most people get their love and life advice from the internet.
The Red Pill, which was originally a forum started on Reddit, is one of those kinds of philosophies. Known for being misogynistic and hateful towards women, the Red Pill espouses ideas that advocate for rape, claims that women only want men who have money, and also maintains a strong belief that women are inferior and unable to determine what they want.
Simply put, it's a forum that regularly advocates for mental, physical, and emotional abuse as ways to control women. Dating a Red Piller, or as they're also called, Terper, is a good way to become a victim of domestic abuse.
Anyone who believes in sex positivity, feminism, or even wants to have a healthy relationship will tell you to avoid Red Pill men. The problem is that it's not always easy to tell who's been reading the forum and who hasn't been.
Speaking from someone who's encountered plenty of them, it can take a keen eye to see the signs you're dating one of these people. Here are some of the most obvious ones.
You hear him regularly talk about women as if they're a different species.
One of the most obvious signs you're dating a Red Piller is his attitude towards the opposite sex. Red Pillers don't see women as equals, and in many cases, won't even see them as real people with feelings.
Most of the time, Red Pill users will accidentally let their beliefs about women slip through casual conversation. They may say things along the lines of:
- "Women don't really like men, unless they're a millionaire." This goes back to the disproven Red Pill belief that women are hypergamous—or, that women will only be attracted to people who have a higher social status or larger paycheck than they do.
- "You're so emotional. Ugh, why do women have to be so sensitive?!" Ironic as it may be, the angry men of the Red Pill tend to project their own sensitivities onto women. This is also a common tactic abusers use in order to minimize their wrongdoing, so that should tell you plenty.
- "She slept with someone? Sorry, I can't marry that." Slut-shaming is a key component of the Red Pill philosophy. They have serious double-standards when it comes to women. They can have sex as much as they want, but if a woman gets laid? It's bad news to them.
- "Not all men..." Not all men do bad things, true, but almost all women have experienced that. Red Pillers can't stand that truth.
He constantly talks about men's rights, but decries feminism.
There's nothing wrong with wanting equal rights for all genders, but there is something wrong with wanting more rights for one gender than there are for others. That's the issue that people have with men's rights.
Most men's rights activists actively ignore the facts when it comes to the systemic oppression of genders that aren't their own. They don't see that men have rights that women don't. In fact, many men will go so far as to see other genders as the enemy.
The vast majority of Red Pill men see women as an enemy or something to control. This belief clearly adds to a foundation of a toxic relationship. You can't really love someone who you hate or see as an enemy on principle alone.
He refuses to take "no" for an answer, or hits on you very aggressively.
If there's one thing that the Red Pill teaches, it's to be aggressive when pursuing women. On the surface, this may seem like a good thing. It could help shyer guys ask a woman out on a date. When put into practice, it gets very ugly.
This is how sexual assault happens, and sadly, one of the signs you're dating a Red Piller is that he doesn't understand that consent matters. Or, he may think that 50 no's and a yes is still a yes. Either way, it's sexual abuse.
You're getting the vibe that he has control issues and anger issues.
Reading toxic stuff has a very damaging effect on the psyche, and this is true regardless of what toxic stuff you're reading. When it comes to the Red Pill, the most common ways it affects men is their outlook on life.
Though the Red Pill promises to give men peace of mind and a better sense of confidence, it does anything but. It turns men into bitter, angry, insecure, and hateful people. In most cases, men will eventually cast that anger outward—usually taking it out on family members.
Most women who have experienced dating a Red Piller can tell you that it's not only bad for women, but terrible for a man's mental health.
You feel insecure, manipulated, ignored, and abused.
The most insidious thing that the Red Pill does is advocate for abusive tactics as a way for men to get their way. It's not surprising that many Red Pill followers get divorced due to their abusive behavior.
They advocate for "Dread Gaming," which is pretending like you want to leave the relationship to get your way. They also suggest that men openly refuse to help women when asked, and generally promote verbal abuse.
Red Pill men do not want to lift up their partners. They are sad people who only feel strong if they beat down people who care about them. If you find yourself feeling gaslighted, hurt, ignored, or otherwise manipulated, then chances are very high you're dating a Red Piller.
He's using terms that are associated with the Red Pill.
Red Pill users have their own little vocabulary that they use to discuss their dating lives as well as the lifestyle the forum suggests living. They may start using terms like "alpha," "beta," "cuck," "plate," "hitting the wall," or "gynocentric."
In many cases, they also will shrug off things by saying, "Hey, all women are like that." This is a classic Red Pill phrase that they use to try to make it sound like your negative reaction to abuse isn't their problem—even when it is.
He regularly tries to exert dominance over women.
You know how you can tell that someone clearly wants to have power over someone? It's often shown in their body language, or the way that they react when asked for help.
Red Pilled men are very well-known for their inflexibility and their tendency to pull "power moves" to make women feel inferior. In truth, their "dominance" moves are nothing more than a power grab.
That's the thing about Red Pill readers; they start to constantly crave power. They are also told to grab control by any means necessary, which often translates to really awful manipulative tactics.
He refuses to spend a single cent for you.
One of the things that Red Pill users detest is spending money on women and dating—and that's actually one of the most common things mentioned on the forum.
They often will ask women to spend money on them or regularly "forget" their wallet at home. Or, they will actively brag about refusing to spend money on dates. Obviously, this isn't attractive.
Though this could just be the sign of a cheapskate, it's also one of the more reliable signs you're dating a Red Piller. Toxic masculinity turns you into a cheapskate, you know!
He's vehemently against marriage and even tells you so.
Marriage, statistically speaking, is more beneficial to men than it is to women. Married men live longer than single men, have higher paychecks, and also have an overall happier standard of life. Women, on the other hand, are statistically happier single.
Shockingly, most men resist marriage. What makes the Red Pill different from just a general dislike or mistrust of marriage, though, is the level of hatred they have for it.
Red Pillers are extremely against marriage and will claim it's a trap. They will not only say it's a trap, but will even use terms like "divorce rape" to discuss it. Simply put, if you notice seething anger at the term marriage, you're probably dating a Red Piller.
He equates sex with success.
Here's the thing about being a Red Piller that most people don't want to admit. The Red Pill isn't for men who are healthy and happy; it's for men who are sad, insecure, weak, and lonely.
If they were happy with the way life was going, they wouldn't need to look up this kind of advice online. Part of being able to stop the Red Pill from spreading is giving men a happy life and showing them that they don't need to lash out at others.
One of the final signs that you're dating a Red Piller deals with his attitude towards sex. Does he seem like he sees it as an indicator of success or as a way to dominate women? If so, he's a Terper—and he needs to be gone.