10 Feminist Books About Dating

Let's start with stating something most of us probably already know—feminism is about equality. Plain and simple as that. It's not about one gender being better than the other, it's not about hating men unfairly, it's not women wanting to take over the world and have things better than anyone else; it's simply about creating true equality between genders. If you've seen more extreme examples of people claiming to be feminists and putting the other gender down excessively, please keep an open mind and remember that true feminism is just about equality.

The feminism movement has faced a lot of troubles through the years, and it's been a battle working toward having equal rights as a standard. It's one that continues though, considering the wage gap between men and women is still significant in most countries.

That's the landscape we're in, but it's important to focus more on feminism and dating. It can be really hard to find a like-minded, understanding partner. We often find ourselves giving sexism litmus tests to men, carefully asking questions to try and gauge how progressive they are.

Sometimes, when you're worn down from a day of struggling to stand up for yourself or exhausted from trying to find the right match, it's nice to unwind with something that'll make you feel empowered. That's one of the reasons feminist books about dating exist, and the main reason you should pick one up to read today.

Roxane Gay keeps busy with her robust Instagram and Twitter presences as well as activism efforts whenever she isn't writing. She is very much a modern feminist—she's not afraid to make her voice heard. This book is a collection of her essays that mix humor and thoughtful insights to make powerful points about modern feminism. It's a humorous book with a motivational, call-to-arms edge that will definitely make you laugh along the way.

As far as how it relates to dating, Gay writes quite a bit about how misogyny is embedded in our culture. She points out the hazards of careless language. Learning more about these subtle signs that we might sometimes write off as being "okay" can help us identify the hints of very negative traits in the people we're dating.

One of our authors here, Heather Wood Rudulph, sets the tone early in the book with the statement:

Imagination + Encouragement = Feminist Power

I really liked this quote because it embodies the positivity of feminism. It's about equality, so why wouldn't feminism have a healthy dose of motivation and positivity?

This is a fun book which, as you might guess by the title, is very contemporary. It was published in 2013, and is targeted at people who aren't already knee-deep in the trenches. If you're looking for a book that will help out your dating life and introduce you to a lot of feminist concepts, this is the title for you. The book is a bit colloquial and reads similarly to a blog, setting a conversational tone that makes it very easy to read.

When it comes to the waves of feminism and why people keep fighting over them, talking about the first two waves is pretty simple. There's not too much to debate about with what feminism did back in the 20th century. However, there's some debate about if the third wave that started in the 90s is still going, or if we're technically into the fourth wave of feminism now. It sounds confusing, but think about it this way—it's all history in the making. It's tricky to define as it's happening.

Whichever wave you place us in now, in the last 30 years, feminism has broadened to be more inclusive of the specific feminism issues that overlap with the LGBTQIA community. Lorde's book will resonate with any feminist, but she also addresses issues of homophobia, racism, and how these divides worsen the usual feminist dilemmas. It's very relevant for modern day readers of all walks of life.

The old-world ideas of keeping sex ed locked in the closet are being called into question more and more frequently. After all, does scaring youngsters with threats of STDs really protect them, or does knowledge arm them better? After all, even young women who are very careful can still end up in tricky situations when they're dating and everything is going well with their partner.

Some people underestimate the Unites States' obsession with virginity, since some of these notions are based in religion. However, there's a lot more to it than that—the obsession with virginity is so deeply ingrained in our culture that even atheists and agnostic people will fall into this plight of idealizing that state of virginity.

Now, what's the problem with this? When you boil it down, it's telling young women that their worth is entirely based on their virginity and their existence as a sexual object. If this idea and analysis intrigues you, definitely pick up this book by Jessica Valenti.

Adichie has many books focused on the complicated lives of women, especially women assimilating into foreign cultures. However, in We Should All Be Feminists, she sheds light on the true definition of feminism and its place in the 21st century. The book is very inclusive, and embodies the goals of third wave feminism.

This book is very short since it's based on Adichie's TEDx talk of the same name, but don't be deterred. It's packed with such a level of depth, substance, and useful information of what it means to be a woman in today's society, the Adichie has landed herself among other famous feminist writers of the 21st century. It pulls on things we've heard in Adichie's collection of essays and speeches, while focusing wholly on feminism today.

One of the hardest parts about dating is that we're all products of our cultures and of society at large. We have to understand where we fall in it to be able to find another person out there who shares the same ideals.

Here we are—the book that shed light on the term "mansplaining," which is quite common in pop culture now. I worked in higher education for many years and I can't tell you how many of my colleagues could come up with literally dozens of times they were mansplained to in the workplace. Even if you have a PhD in the same discipline as your male colleague, he still might start explaining something to you that is so basic in its nature that it reveals a deeply sexist impression of a woman's capabilities and intelligence. Solnit tackles sexism in the workplace and how stereotypes of gender roles become detrimental.

The dry title of the book gives you a taste of the humorous tone Solnit uses as she writes about these unpleasant experiences; including a time when a powerful, older man is talking about a book he found ever so insightful, then is shocked when Solnit reveals that she was the author of it. He couldn't comprehend that a woman wrote the book he was so enthralled with.

In the dating world, mansplaining is a red flag to watch out for if you're dating someone who does this too often. An odd case of mansplaining here and there can be dismissed as just regular explaining, but if it happens all the time, and it starts to seem like he doesn't recognize your intelligence, then he is more than likely mansplaining. If you're not sure, get to know the signs he's mansplaining to you.

The subtitle on this book says it all—"Disses, Dick Pics, and Other Delights of Modern Dating." Let's face it, if you're dating in the 21st century, you're going to get a completely unprecedented dick pic at some point. If it hasn't happened yet... well, you're lucky for now, because it almost inevitably will.

This book is all about modern day dating, as well as the hazards of online dating. More and more of us are trying it, but the digital dating scene is a very different atmosphere. If you need tips on navigating either world of dating, the creator of the viral Instagram account of the same name released this fun and helpful book with tons of advice.

While this book by Simone de Beauvoir is a bit older than many of the others on this list, don't skip over it. The title alone gives you a sense of the gender role stereotypes and issues surrounding sexism that are still cropping up in society, just as much now as they were when the book was written. The book has chapters on the psychoanalytical point of view on feminism, as well as the view of historical materialism.

This book is definitely a bit more in-depth than some of the others on this list, but if you want to get into the nitty-gritty of feminist theory, there are a lot of fascinating ideas and thoughts expressed within the pages of the book. This book talks about women in every different situation, whether it's as a married woman, a mother, a woman without children, and just about every scenario you can imagine.

It's important to learn these things. After all, we don't want to end up in a horrendously dystopian and misogynistic society like what we see in The Handmaid's Tale.

The feminist movement is an ongoing upward climb. This novel is a work of fiction, but it reads with the honesty and frankness of a true story. Our protagonists are sisters, and the trials they go through trying to stay connected and navigate through a very unequal world resonate with a painful realism to experiences we all go through.

The Color Purple is a Pulitzer Prize winner and it's such a heartfelt tale, it was adapted into a film in 1985. While the challenge of coming-of-age was a lot harder back in the 80s, it's still not easy today. This story sheds light on the dilemmas that third wave feminism is very focused on equalizing.

Bell Hooks has written so much about women and on the topic of feminism that it's hard to choose just one of her books to highlight. In addition to Feminism Is for Everybody, she's also written Ain't I a Woman, Sisters of the Yam, and many more.

This particular book is a short and very straightforward primer on what it means to be a feminist. Much like Adichie's book, We Should All Be Feminists, Hooks lays out the key concepts and shares how feminism can change and improve peoples' lives.

When searching for feminist books about dating, you usually end up with stories that aren't entirely focused on dating, but have some good insights on the topic. While progress is undoubtedly being made, feminism is still considered a taboo subject in some circles. It's hard for bold movements like Bye Felipe to gain traction.

After all, we're still debating who the real Jane Austen was and if she was a feminist or not.

We have a long way to go in the quest for equality, but these feminist books about dating and feminism as a whole will hopefully guide your way.