Owning The Space
Some victims are more equal than others.
A friend of mine just set out for a day’s shopping, but returned unexpectedly soon after having gotten splashed by a vehicle driving through a puddle. This has happened to me, and in similar circumstances. My friend saw the vehicle coming, and noticed how the driver sped up and swerved into the puddle. There was no doubt about it; this was a deliberate act.
I believed and trusted my friend; he told me about it and he was soaked head-to-toe. But it got me thinking about things that have happened to me in public places, and how that has been interpreted. I tell male friends, and my male partner, about some of the disgusting and intimidating things that random men on the street say and do in my presence, and I see the doubt creeping across their faces. Often, because they’re “skeptics” and “rational,” they’ll call my testimony into question. Maybe they were just being friendly? Perhaps I misunderstood? Let me just play Devil’s Advocate… Forgive me for perhaps reaching a little, but I think the meaning is pretty clear when someone barks at you like a dog in the street, grabs hold of your tits, or yells out of their car window that you look like a “fat dyke.”
I wonder if anyone would tell my befuddled friend that they were overreacting, faking it, being over-sensitive, can’t take a joke, misunderstanding the driver’s intent, just need to smile a bit more, shouldn’t dress so provocatively, or be in that part of town on their own in the rain, should stick together with other dry people, carry a hygrometer, don’t drink too much, always take a taxi, avoid strange drivers, stay in after a downpour, don’t act too ostentatiously dry, it’s a driver’s natural instinct and you can’t deny it, dress more modestly (you never see people in wetsuits getting splashed by drivers, do you?), stop seeking attention, you just hate drivers, it’s the way of the world, there’s no such thing as the saturat-iarchy, it’s a myth spread by meteorologists, you must have psychiatric problems, what about the driver’s reputation, don’t they have a family and a job — you wouldn’t want to ruin their life would you, innocent until proven guilty, how do we know you’re not lying, it was fine in my day, the younger generation are a bunch of snowflakes, it’s a witch-hunt, you should take it as a compliment?
No? Why might that be? (Clue: Check out the pronouns.) On the one hand, my friend was quite clearly drenched, providing a visual confirmation of what he was telling me. But I also took his word for it that the driver had done this intentionally, and most of us would – we trust this testimony, but we don’t trust that of someone (usually a woman, but not always), who has been sexually assaulted or harassed. The puddle incident and street harassment are both forms of abuse that are about owning that space through intimidation, yet we take one more seriously than the other. Think about it: next time you hear a victim’s testimony, examine your internal response. Whose stories do you believe, and why?
When we talk about owning a space, we normally mean to inhabit it with confidence and a sense of control. Let’s think about the spaces we allow victims to occupy, and the level of control and attention we afford them. Some victims are held to a higher standard than others, when presenting equally likely accounts. Think about what this selective compassion and trust says about the listener, rather than the victim. Believe victims, believe women, and stay out of those goddamn puddles!
About the Creator
Katy Preen
Research scientist, author & artist based in Manchester, UK. Strident feminist, SJW, proudly working-class.
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