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I Was Raped

And This Is My Story. Part One.

By small town girl .Published 6 years ago 5 min read
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Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; yet only 15% of those people will report it to the police and 90% of people knew their attacker.

Nine years ago I was a fifteen year old girl, currently studying for her GCSEs and working part time in a cafe. Nine years ago my dad dropped me off to see my friends. Nine years ago I was raped by someone that I knew, and this is my story.

It's taken me nine years to finally open up and discuss what happened to me and the events that followed. The recent Times Up Now movement has made me feel a number of things but mostly made me realise that I'm not alone. No matter how dark or alone my world gets, I know that there are people out there that are going through the same thing as me, and together we will get through this.

So I'm guessing the best place to start is the beginning. It's June of 2010. England is in the World Cup and as a family we decided to go and watch the game in the pub (it was daytime, I was allowed in). The game is in full swing and I'm stood next to a group of guys a few years older than me in school. England scores and one of the guys decides to blow a horn into my ear. Through the excitement I thought nothing of it. A couple of days pass and I get a message off the same guy apologising for blowing the horn in my face. I accept the apology and we start talking. Very normal conversation; how's school going, what we do in our spare time etc.

The text messages continue and stay very innocent. I thought nothing of it. I was 15, not interested in being with anyone or even doing anything sexual with anyone. A couple of weeks later, its a Saturday night and some friends have arranged to meet at our local park and asked if I wanted to join. I said I would and my dad took me through. I met up with my friends, who were drinking, I kindly declined. Whilst texting said guy, I explained where I was and arranged to meet us all. By this time it was dark and cold and I was getting pretty tired.

He turned up and asked me to walk around the side of a building with him. I walked around and that's when it happened. I was pushed up against the wall and kissed me. I pushed away and told him no, I wasn't ready but he didn't hear me. My body went numb and I couldn't move. I went to shout but no words came out. I froze and just wished it would stop but it didn't. It kept going on and on and didn't know if I was going to get out of this. Once he finished he took his weight off me and told me he would text me. He then vanished into the darkness. I collapsed to the wall, unable to piece together what had just happened. It was silent and then in then I heard my friends shout my name. I didn't tell them what happened, I couldn't tell them what happened. Instead of going home, I walked 11 miles with my friends to one of their houses as we missed the last train.

I awoke the next day with marks on my neck and wrists and a text off the guy asking why I didn't seem up for it last night. I text him back explaining I wasn't up for it because I didn't want it. His response; Of course you wanted it, who doesn't? I couldn't believe what I had just read, did he honestly think that was a true statement. I got picked up by my mum and went home.

I got home and immediately got in the shower. I felt dirty and ashamed of myself. I scrubbed my skin until it was red and turned the temperature to the hottest setting to get rid of it all. I spend the rest of the day in bed. No contact with anyone. Just stared at the walls. My parents realised something was wrong and the next day asked me what was wrong. I broke down and told them everything. From then it's all a blur.

I went to the police station to give my statement and sent for a medical screening, then back to the scene to give a step by step run down. He was arrested and taken in for questioning. He admitted to texting me and meeting up with me but said I consented and didn't say no. We then had to go and explain this to the school. They were very understanding and did everything they could to help me. The next two weeks were torture.

Naturally, the whole school found out. I would walk round corners to find people talking about me. I saw them looking and pointing. Fortunately I had some very supporting friends but not everyone was nice. I got things thrown at me, people telling me to die and calling me a slut. I spent my time in a classroom crying and avoiding the outside world. Thankfully the term was over and it was the summer holidays.

The summer was a very strange one. I spent most of my time working to distract myself. I would try to go out with my friends but the second I got home I would just cry constantly. Then that day came. My mum was driving me to work when the police called. We turned around and awaited their arrival.

It was all over, but not for the right reasons. They closed the case with no charges. There wasn't enough evidence to support the case and they had no choice. The strange thing is; I didn't cry. I didn't do anything. I just sat there and when they left I still sat there. I tried to take it all in but for some reason it didn't register. I didn't fully realise that he was a free man. He could go on with his life and I was here breaking down inside, wondering what happens now.

Nine years later and I am still sometimes coming to terms with what happened to me. At a later date I will talk about how I've coped and what has happened with both me and my rapist.

One final thought for anyone who has been raped. Remember you are NOT a victim. You are a SURVIVOR! And a pretty amazing one at that.

Thanks for reading and see you soon.

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small town girl .

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