I Slapped The Pastor

Everyone was pleased with the new pastor, whom I’ll refer to as Tim (not his real name) at first. The new pastor was younger, preached in a style that made the congregation pay attention, encouraged people to refer to him by his first name. Tim was full of ideas that people hoped would help revive a decades-old neighborhood church that needed to grow. We all were drawn to him and we wanted to help.

Little cracks appeared from the beginning. What appeared to be a minor difference of opinion between Tim and a member who doubled as a church musician and choir member about how to dress for church service turned into a heated debate about theology. The member eventually left and most dismissed the incident as one person not being used to the change in leadership. We didn’t take much notice when a few others left to attend other churches as well. We kept giving Tim the benefit of the doubt because this was his first job pastoring a church. He would eventually find his footing and grow into the position.

Before the end of Tim’s first year in the pulpit, there was a sudden, massive exit of several members from the church. The deacon board did an investigation, but they did not find conclusive answers. None of those whom they reached out towards wanted to talk in detail. If attention had been paid during the annual church business meeting which had taken place a few months before, we would have had a lot of hints. Tim had made decisions that didn’t sit well with many. When people wanted to have a dialog and perhaps reach a compromise, Tim answered every question by quoting the Bible. Tim made it clear that there was no room for debate. “They’ll realize they are missing some good preaching and they will be back,” Tim told me. None of them who left did.

The sermons became longer and longer, consisting of Tim repeating much of what he had preached the previous Sunday. Instead of having short series of sermons based on a theme, Tim decided to explore whole books of the Bible. One year, we started Genesis at the beginning of the year. We were still in Genesis in July. Tim dismissed any suggestions regarding preaching on different topics. “People need to hear the same thing repeated over and over to them,” Tim told a member. The tone of most of the sermons was also accusatory. Many members said they felt worse after leaving service than they did when they came in. Another person left the church when they recognized that Tim had used some personal details they told him in confidence as an illustration during a sermon. Tim was careful not to use their name, but the person recognized themselves in the story. A few others in the church whom that person had spoken to about their sensitive situation recognized the story, too. Tim knew he was losing his audience, but he insisted that people were just being resistant to listening to the Gospel.

Four years into his time at church, I was laid off from a full-time position I held. Tim was looking for a part-time secretary, and I fit the bill mainly because I was a member and Tim and I were still on friendly terms. Many days, I would find Tim sitting in his office looking downcast. There would have been another disagreement between Tim and a member. Tim would claim that he meant no harm, and he was truly baffled as to why anyone would be angry with him. He was just trying to run the church and do the will of God. I wanted to believe him. But I began to notice some things weren’t quite right. And the conflicts were escalating.

People who sought membership at the church were not being properly vetted. The deacons’ board was supposed to be involved in the process. Increasingly, Tim set himself up as judge and jury, cutting the deacons out of the decision-making. An engaged couple wanted to join in hopes of also having their wedding ceremony in the church. Tim talked to them and decided something about their relationship wasn’t “pure” and rejected their application. Another couple who were actually members of the church were not allowed to get married there, even after they had completed pre-marriage counseling with Tim for similar reasons. A woman was told she could not be considered for membership because she lived with a man. But it wasn’t because she and the man were lovers. The man was a friend of hers, and gay.

The weeding out extended to potential employees as well. The interviewing process for a new custodian went on longer than it should have because Tim insisted that applicants answer complex theological questions. “We’re hiring someone to clean, not to preach,” I pointed out, but I was ignored. Tim wasn’t satisfied until he found a seminary student who was willing to do the job.

Jealousy was part of Tim’s makeup as well. A member gave a sincere testimony during an event that everyone appreciated. Tim promptly threw cold water on their efforts to bring inspiration to others by complaining that the testimony was too long. A woman evangelist who sang and did a brief sermon during a concert held at church received enthusiastic applause. Tim’s response was to attempt to ban her from appearing in the next concert – without success -- stating that a woman should not be allowed to preach.

As a church secretary, I was tough but fair. I did not allow the less appreciative of the food and clothes pantry patrons to disrespect the volunteers or me. I deflected individuals who were always trying to fleece the church out of something, and there were plenty of them. I put the youths in check who told Tim they wanted to help out in church but tried to spend their time playing throughout the building instead. Tim would accuse me of not being gracious. I soon learned that he expected all women to be dainty and submissive. I was a boxer in my spare time, I wasn’t keen on marriage, I wanted no children, and I believed in women’s rights. I didn’t fit his view of women.

After I had a run-in with a food pantry patron who had been incredibly rude, Tim complained about me to the administrative board. I was written up. When I wouldn’t back down from refusing to be disrespected, Tim upped his slander campaign. I was in the midst of writing an employee manual for the church because the insurance company the church dealt with suggested that we have one for legal protections. Tim didn’t like that I took the initiative to do that, especially since the manual would further put limits on what he could do at church. I had to go, so Tim made up a story that I told the insurance company some records had been falsified in order for the church to get coverage. I fought to get my job back, but Tim had convinced most that I was unstable and untrustworthy.

I told everyone about Tim’s shortcomings that I had noticed as well as the complaints from members that Tim refused to rectify. Tim had become a dictator, and the church was suffering. I demanded a church-wide meeting to air all the grievances out. Tim’s manipulation of people and the situation ended with my membership being revoked a few months after I was fired.

One of the deacons who was under Tim’s spell stood between him and I as I screamed at Tim after the vote was taken to put me out. That deacon couldn’t prevent me from reaching around and slapping the hell out of Tim. The sound of the slap bounced off the walls. The congregation gasped as I snatched my coach and stomped out of the building.

Tim could have pressed charges, but he didn’t. I suspect male ego wouldn’t allow him to admit to an even wider audience that a woman got the drop on him. I felt guilty for a time. I kept replaying the scene over in my mind, regretting that I had allowed my temper to get out of control. But then I remembered more about how I was betrayed by the man who should have known better than to mislead me and the others whom he was responsible for leading down the right road. The guilt went away.

Recently, I learned that Tim’s deeds finally caught up with him and he was forced to step down from the pulpit. It was too little, too late for those of us who had been victimized. I just hope Tim is never allowed to stand up in a pulpit again.