How to Take Down a Rapist

Empowerment after sexual assault is an astounding experience. To take back your name, your body: simply to continue to exist. In light of the recent #metoo, conversations around healing are more public. Healing is not a linear path as moments, triggers and memories can arise unexpectedly. For this reason, unconventional acts of resilience and love can provide a survivor comfort and empowerment.

1. Ode to the Radical Survivor

Language can dramatically shift how we view ourselves. Using "survivor" instead of "victim" when referring to yourself or someone that has experienced sexual violence can be empowering. The power dynamics of sexual violence echo into the active phrasing of "victim" and "victimhood." Survivor suggests past experience and resiliency. In Netflix's rendition of She's Gotta Have It, Raqueletta Moss speaks in the third person when describing her experience with sexual abuse as a child. This isn't a foreign concept as some that experience PTSD use the third person to differentiate their past trauma from their current state. Of course, you should continue to use language you/they feel comfortable with.

2. Pee on that car!

At a local concert, Annie* bumped into the man that assaulted her a few years ago. This was not her first encounter with him since the assault. When he approached her, Annie told him that his presence made her uncomfortable. He decided to get in her face and threaten to "take her somewhere else." Upset, Annie left the concert fairly shaken up by the encounter. Later, she decided that she didn't want to feel fearful of him anymore. What did Annie decide to do, you ask? She peed in a cup, found his car in a parking garage, and poured it all over his car.

I am not encouraging you to do what Annie did. However, in moments of fear you can run or confront it. The best option is whatever makes YOU feel safe. If Annie decided to stay at the concert or go home, it would be her call. Especially once someone has disclosed that they have been assaulted, people tend to conjure up this-is-what-they-would-do's. These solutions can be thoughtfully intended but also harmful.

Need to let out your feelings? Writing an angry letter to the attacker and burning it without sending it may be an option. Just choose safety first!

3. Don't talk about it.

In a sea full of #metoo there are #metoos that don't get posted. There are people that will never share their stories and that's okay. You don't owe anyone your story. I repeat: no one. If you don't feel like sharing, don't. The best way to empower yourself is to make sure that every disclosure is at your own discretion.

4. Take Care

After my own experience, I became a crisis counselor. I volunteered hours of my time to Anti-Violence Against Women campaigns. A part of healing was taking care of others. Some people prefer to throw themselves into work, their families or any prosocial engagement that makes them feel like that they are giving their time to worthy people. This can deflect any feelings of helplessness and build community.

Healing can be a roller coaster and not all of these suggestions will work for you. However, ensuring that you are managing trauma if you are experiencing any) is crucial to moving forward.

*Name was changed to protect survivor.