Do You Know About Stealthing?

When I first read about this disturbing trend I struggled to wrap my brain around it. Part of me was surprised that men are doing this. And the other part of me isn't surprised. Not. At. All. But what the fuck is so hard about consent? To me, it seems like a really simple concept, but there are a lot of people who to struggle in understanding it.

For those of you who haven't heard about stealthing, it's when a man takes a condom off during sex without their partner knowing. And then continues to have sex with them, unprotected. I know you may be sitting there thinking, what the fuck? Because I know that's what I thought, when I first read about it. What kind of fucking person does that? Someone consents to have sex- protected. Not unprotected. Once the condom comes off there's a risk for STI's and pregnancy. Not to mention the emotional trauma that will most certainly be experienced.

There is an amazing woman who has brought this issue to light. Her name is Alexandra Brodsky and she is a fellow at the National Women's Law Center. The sad reality of her research is that many women are being "stealthed". And she finds that most of them start with the same words....."I don't know if this is rape, but....." Her research has even uncovered online forums dedicated to this practice. With men bragging about their conquests, and how they have the right to, "spread their seed." Excuse me, ewww!?! And it's all topped off with a how-to guide on stealthing women.

WHAT.......THE......ACTUAL.......FUCK!?!?!?!

Women who are victims of stealthing are left feeling violated, angry, and a lot of times confused. Because most of them aren't even sure if they were raped or not. And there are currently no laws on the books about this. And after calling my local state police office, I realized why. This practice has gone on before this, but there wasn't a specific term for it. So it is a new concept, and thankfully it is starting to come to light.

I get that, but what really blew me away was the trooper's view on consent. She said to me, that if the woman is having consensual sex, and the man takes the condom off it is sexual assault. Because she would realize, say no, and tell him to stop. I told her that I found her viewpoint interesting. And she told me she didn't know why???

I find it interesting because a lot of women who are being raped freeze up and don't fight back. Not because they don't want to. But because they can't. They don't know what to do, or how to stop it. And the fact that this trooper told me the woman had to say no is very troublesome. I think they may need some updated sexual assault education over there.

Stealthing is rape. Plain and simple. Think about this- if the woman had known that the man would take off the condom, she wouldn't have consented. Or maybe she would have. But you wouldn't know, because she was never asked. The condom came off without CONSENT. Crazy how that works huh?

So in case the concept of consent is still hard to grasp, take a few minutes to watch my above video. It's such a plain explanation, to such an easy concept, it's laughable. And if you agree with me, please share, and hopefully it will give someone a shift in perspective. Here's to a cup of tea!